I slowly glance toward the clock as we finally close the last book for the day. My body feels weary to the bone, longing for my sheets. “Mommy, can we snuggle now?” the little voice asks.
Everything within me wants to say no, but my mouth forms a small, exhausted smile as I nod my head. Just for a minute, sweetie. Mommy needs to rest too.
We crawl into her bed and the next thing I know, I’m jolted awake. The house is dark and silent. I silently move the stuffed animals to the side so I can slip out of her bed. As I linger for a minute, I kiss the sleeping beauties on their foreheads and gently stroke their hair, my heart aching for the time we didn’t spend together.
This year has not gone as planned.
This year, I’m working full time outside the home. I never intended to do that. But when the husband calls and says the office manager resigned and we don’t have any potential new ones, and what should we do until we find the right person… we both already know the answer to the question he hasn’t yet asked.
“And the Lord God said, ‘It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.'” Genesis 2:18
So my kids and I pack up their books and we set up a mini classroom at the office. It might sound noble, but this is not ideal.
Not the office. Not coming home after work to cook dinner and do laundry and finish school lessons.
Not working 40+ hours a week and calling babysitters when there’s a work deadline and my children learning how to be quiet even when they need me because I’m on the phone with a client.
This is not what I envisioned.
This was going to be the year of fun. Field trips. Hands-on messy science projects. Filling the freezer with delicious baked goods. Caving. Biking. Exploring. Quality time.
But, God knew. This whole time. He knew.
And even during this busy-ness and exhaustion, I can see His hand in our lives. I see His mercy, His grace. I’m in awe that He brings beauty and glory right in the midst of our brokenness.
Through this, we’re learning good habits. We have to get up and get ready to go every single morning even though we’re tired. We have to stay caught up on schoolwork even though we’re busy because tomorrow might be even busier.
We can now clean the entire house in three hours, because often, three hours is really all we have.
This season is tough. But it’s also an honor. I believe that God is allowing us to be put through the fire so we can be refined.
And when the school year – or anything else in life – goes awry, we can find peace and joy in knowing that God has a plan. When we trust in Him, the end results will be glorious.
“I will bring the one–third through the fire, Will refine them as silver is refined, And test them as gold is tested. They will call on My name, And I will answer them. I will say, ‘This is My people’; And each one will say, ‘The Lord is my God.’” Zechariah 13:9“Do not fear any of those things which you are about to suffer. Indeed, the devil is about to throw some of you into prison, that you may be tested, and you will have tribulation ten days. Be faithful until death, and I will give you the crown of life.” Revelation 2:10