Davonne Parks

Does Technology Help us Connect or Make us Disconnect?

Friendship· Loving our Kids· Marriage

I think there’s a huge problem in our culture. The problem is disconnect.

We have so many sources to stay connected to the world around us. Yet, the more we use technology to stay connected with others, the more disconnected we become with the things happening right in front of us.

When I bought my first smart phone, I haughtily declared that I would never become one of those people. You know, the people constantly using their phones to text, browse Facebook, check e-mails, etc. That would never be me.

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Oh, how wrong I was.

It didn’t happen overnight – I started out by choosing to keep my phone in my pocket instead of on my dresser. Then I’d occasionally pull it out to check the time. Before long, I started reading and answering texts right as they came in. Then e-mails. And thus, the downward spiral into phone obsession continued until I was practically glued to my smart phone.

I knew it was bad when my three year old was sitting on my lap during a serious conversation. She felt my phone vibrate in my pocket and interrupted herself to ask me when I was going to check my text message. She was confused when I explained that I wasn’t going to look at my phone right then.

The realization that my child accepted my continual interrupting phone checks as her reality grieved my heart.

Phone

I recently sat with the same three year old and watched her try to button a sweater. Typically, I would “take advantage” of those minutes to check something on my phone.

This time however I chose to stay present in the moment with my child. Every few seconds, she’d glance up and grin as she saw me watching her. I witnessed her concentration, her determination, and finally, her joy as she succeeded with each button. Oh, how precious it is to witness my children develop new abilities!

As I watched her, I wondered how many moments like this I’ve missed. How many times have my children looked my way to see if I was watching them, only to discover that I was absorbed in my own little world on my phone?

How many times has a friend (or a potential new friend) wanted to approach me in public but didn’t because I looked unavailable to them as I read on my kindle app or checked Facebook?

How many times have I unknowingly shut out or rejected others because I was so focused on the world inside the four-inch rectangle I was holding in my hand?

My heart feels heavy and burdened by the realization that I have become one of those people – the constant phone checkers.

But I don’t have to stay that way.

Sisters

I can turn my phone off, or at least leave it on silent, and start keeping it on my dresser again. I can stay logged off of Facebook and only check it during designated times. I can give my family members permission to remind me if I’m choosing to connect with the world inside my phone instead of connecting with them.

I can make a plan and I can forgive myself for wasting time as I work to move forward.

Maybe you don’t spend a lot of time on your phone, but maybe you spend hours each day watching television, reading, or doing something else that takes your focus away from the most important things. If you do, I want to encourage you to join me in setting aside the things that cause us to disconnect and instead start saying yes to the best more often.

I will choose, starting today, to fully stay present in the moments happening around me. More than that, I will choose to be a part of those moments.

I hope you’ll choose that too.

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Comments

  1. I Love this I have always had a cel phone. But, I remember the day I upgraded to texting,
    It was when Jordan was in first grade. The other mothers couldn’t believe I couldn’t text.
    It wasn’t that I couldn’t It was just easier for me to call and talk to someone then text.
    But now I text all the time. I think its just easier for some then others. My mother-in-law gets after me for not taking my phone with me to church she tells me I can turn it to vibrate, I tell her if its important that she should be at church to tell me not text…I normally don’t use my phone of the evening until Jordan is in bed, unless we are out..

    Reply

    • I’m going to start sounding like a broken record to you as I repeat what I always mean about your words of encouragement: Thank you so much!

      Reply

  5. Wow, this was an article that I really needed! Though I haven’t commented on many, I’ve been reading most of your posts, and many of them have been very convicting and/or inspiring. It’s so interesting to read your articles and follow along with the important things happening in your life right now!
    I wish you the greatest of luck in your decision to cut back. I think this is an issue that’s relevant to so many people. I read today that, if my memory serves me right, 1,000,000 people in China are addicted tot he internet. Thank you for taking the step and reminding me, and I’m sure many others, to come unplugged sometimes!
    The picture of the girls reading together brought a smile to my face!

    Reply

    • Thank you for your encouragement and for sharing your thoughts, Sarah! Now that I’ve taken care of Facebook, I’m going through my e-mail and cleaning out my subscription list. I think I feel a follow-up blog post brewing… 🙂

      Reply

  6. I love this! I actually just wrote a post that starts out VERY similar to yours. We are expecting our first child in November and I wrote a post on some of my thoughts on how I want to handle technology and social media when our daughter is born. This was a great encouragement to go along with that!

    Reply

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