10 Ways Cleaning is Like Dieting

I glare at myself in the mirror, the frustration evident in my deep scowl. Your house is disgusting, I tell myself. Why do you keep losing the same 10 pounds of junk over and over again? Why can’t you just get it together and keep your house clean like other women?

That voice in the mirror – she used to stop me. Her unkind expression and tough words would discourage me. This time though, I look past the scowl. Instead, I gaze into her familiar blue-green eyes and see deep into her soul. I see weariness, desperation.

But I also see a spark of something else. I look deeper. That spark is a glimmer of hope, a longing to hear kind words.

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You can do this, I tell myself, timid at first. You can clean your house. It’s just stuff. My thoughts grow bolder as I silently speak to my reflection. You’re capable. Just clean one room for now – only a few pounds of clutter. I believe in you.

I smile encouragingly at my reflection as I determine to finally get my house under control. I know that to make a lasting change, I need to stop shoving stuff into corners – stop “sucking in” to make my home look lighter. It’s time to actually throw away all the junk and then refuse to buy any more.

As I clean, I realize that decluttering is very similar in concept to a food diet. Here are 10 examples:

1) We must throw out the junk.

If you have a sweet tooth like me, then eating healthy is nearly impossible if there’s junk food in the house! Likewise, a house filled to the brim with stuff is just begging for messes to be made.

The best way to combat this is to simply get rid of the junk! You (and your house) will feel so much lighter because of it.

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2) The junk has to stay away.

Throwing away junk food is absolutely pointless if we’re just going to load up on sweets the next time we’re at the store. And getting rid of clutter is a waste of time if we’re going to buy a ton of stuff when we pass a yard sale. To make lasting improvements, the junk has to go away, and then it needs to stay away.

3) Tummy control panels can only do so much.

A tummy control slip might smooth out the lumps and a closet may hide some clutter, but eventually things are going to spill out if we don’t get rid of the excess.

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4) We need to work hard if we want to lose some weight.

Most of us don’t expect to lose weight by watching TV and eating a bunch of junk food. We also can’t expect the house to get clean if we’re spending hours a day reading or talking on the phone.

In order to drop the extra weight – or excess clutter – we have to actually roll up our sleeves and get to work!

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5) One bad afternoon doesn’t mean it’s another failed attempt.

Sometimes dieters eat 3 brownies on Thursday afternoon, then think they blew it so they wait until Monday to start back on their diet. But that’s 4 days they could have been making good choices instead.

Housekeeping is the same way – a huge mess on Wednesday doesn’t mean the house is hopeless until the weekend. Just start where you are and do what you can, when you can.

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6) Maintenance is mandatory.

Sure, a crash dieter can lose a bunch of weight fast. But in order to keep the weight off, she must ultimately make the decision to improve her lifestyle as she finds joy in preparing nutritious meals and snacks.

Likewise, someone who’s putting her home on a clutter diet can learn to find joy in creating a haven as she develops the necessary habits for keeping a cleaner home.

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7) We have to want it for ourselves.

While a get-together may spur us on towards a smaller waistline or cleaner floors, those things aren’t going to produce lasting change. In order to really create a long term difference, we have to want the change for us, and our goal should have more to do with better health or peace of mind, and less to do with a number on a scale or a “right” to show off a job well done.

8 ) Every little bit makes a difference.

Choosing a salad over a burger at the drive thru or washing dishes instead of checking Facebook may not seem like a big deal, but those little decisions add up to huge progress over time.

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9 ) We should always offer grace.

The path to changing habits is a difficult one. It’s always easier to slide back into our comfortable patterns of junk food and junk rooms.

But that thing we do in front of the mirror, berating ourselves? Let’s stop that! Speak kindly. We should encourage ourselves. Let’s let someone else have the job of being our worst critic – we can choose love and grace.

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10) Our worth is not found in our weight.

Whether the extra pounds want to cling to our hips or our closets, our worth is not found in how much we – or our homes – weigh. We are valuable because we’re us and no amount of dieting will change that.

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What did I miss? What do you notice that cleaning and dieting have in common?


This is Why I Decluttered

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The screen door squeaks open, then quickly swings shut. Footsteps rapidly cross the living room towards the kitchen. Her arms wrap around me in a quick hug before her little hands reach out, eager to sample the icing recipe I’m trying to perfect.

A few minutes later, my ears perk up as the screen door moves on its hinges again. Another friend. She flashes a toothy grin at me while she tastes the butter and sugar I’ve mixed together – she gives me a thumbs-up, indicating the icing is ready to be swirled onto rows of tiny cupcakes.

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They come and go, these ones and their sisters. Sometimes I feel like we’re raising a neighborhood, between the overflowing dinner table, the extra shoes by the door, the silly jokes, and the added drama.

Their parents and grandparents ask repeatedly, “Are you sure it’s okay for them to hang out all evening?”

Oh, yes, I assure them. It’s more than okay.

As I gaze at the nine bicycles laying all over my tiny front yard, I think about how different things are this year. How full our home is. How much bigger our hearts are.

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There are rarely only four people here for family night anymore. Our living room has become the standard game spot when it’s raining. And preteens are rediscovering their love for dolls as they delight in hours of imaginative play.

A few years ago, I wouldn’t have let them in. I was so embarrassed by my clutter that I shut others out of my home, and in doing so, I was also closing them out of a part of my heart.

I grew weary of living that way.

I finally decided that I wasn’t going to let a messy house stop me from reaching out to others. But I knew I was too busy putting out clutter-fires to make time for more important things. So I decided to unbury myself. It was tough. But I didn’t give up.

The difference has been amazing.

And while my house still gets messy, a gentle mess from a day or two feels and looks a whole lot different than piles of clutter that have been laying around for several years.

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And just like our bodies continually need refreshed with water, our homes continually need refreshed from excess.

Because when we’re not weighed down by the burden of clutter, we have more energy to give, to love, to serve, and to welcome others in to our homes and our hearts.

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Will you join me in welcoming others in?

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6 Tear-Free Ways to Get Kids to Clean {Plus Your Summer Reading List!}

One thing I’m asked regularly is how to get kids to do their chores. I avoided answering this question for a long time because chores with kids is tough, especially when the parents (re: me) aren’t perfect at maintaining a clean home, either.

But something I’ve learned is that while my kids and I aren’t perfect, we can make progress, and that progress makes a huge positive difference in our home!

Here are 6 ways I’ve learned to get kids to clean, sans tears:

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1) Talk about what’s expected.

Needing to put dirty clothes in the hamper may seem like common sense to us, but it’s not always obvious to our kids. So make sure they know what is expected. You can do this by posting a simple chore chart, having a family meeting, and offering frequent gentle reminders.

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2) Show how to complete a chore.

It’s important to make sure our kids really know how to accomplish a task and teaching chore completion is best done in 4 steps:

  • Have your child watch you do the chore.
  • Instruct your child to help you complete the chore.
  • Allow your child to lead while you assist with the chore.
  • Child does chore unassisted (don’t forget to check their work!).

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3) Keep tasks manageable.

Have you ever walked into a room, felt incredible overwhelmed, and walked right back out? Me too! Sometimes our kids feel the same way and need help breaking down tasks.

For example, instead of just saying, “Clean your room,” try offering step-by-step guidance such as, “Put your shoes in the closet.” When they finish, you can tell them to put their dirty clothes in the hamper. Keep going until the room is clean. Offer lots of praise and gentle redirection along the way!

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4) Teach by example.

When I was recently lamenting to my husband that our kids left their shoes and bags all over the kitchen again, he gently told me that I leave my shoes and purse out nearly every day too. Ouch!

He was right though and went on to say that our children will never learn to develop good cleaning habits if the example they’re seeing is to dump everything on a table. The same goes with the rest of the house – do our kids see us leaving the kitchen a mess when we’re done cooking? If so, why would they think they need to clean up their stuff when they’re finished with it?!

We need to remember that regardless of the chores we assign we’re also setting a huge example, so let’s make sure we’re working to set a good example instead of a bad one. (Check out my secret Facebook group if you’d like a little extra accountability in this area.)

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5) Follow through on appropriate consequences.

If steps 1-4 are followed and you’re still having trouble getting your kids to clean, then it’s time to take things a bit further by giving appropriate consequences.

For example, the children who didn’t put their toys away before a bedtime story may need to miss the story so they can finish cleaning. The kid who complains about taking their plate to the sink can earn a week of dinnertime dish duty so they can practice completing the chore with a good attitude.

Children are quick learners and when they see that their actions have real consequences, it’s amazing how efficiently they can work!

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6) Stay consistent and diligent.

Being a parent is tough sometimes, but we need to persevere!

It does often takes more time to train our kids than it takes to clean something alone, but we need to remind ourselves that we’re training our little ones for adulthood and if we want them to succeed later, we need to teach them today.

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Relaxing at home after my children helped clean was a wonderful birthday gift!

What tear-free tips would you add to this list of how to get your kids to help clean?

P.S. Your Summer Reading List

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Dear Mom Who Stinks at Housekeeping

Dear Mom Who Stinks at Housekeeping,

I know what your house looks like right now. Yesterday’s dishes aren’t rinsed, there are crumbs and toys on the living room floor, and laundry is everywhere except the drawers. Plus scrubbing the slightly slimy bathtub isn’t even on your radar because first you’d have to toss the mostly empty shampoo bottles and moldy rubber duckies.

No, I’m not spying on you. I just know your type because I am your type. In fact, if there was a contest for being the worst housekeeper ever, I just might win the prize.

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But you know what? Not being a naturally good housekeeper doesn’t mean we can’t learn. Sure, it takes time. And it’s tough. We have to dig deep, in both our homes and in our hearts, to sift through the grime and clean things out. We have to be willing to change habits, to admit our faults, and to give up a little bit of R&R to get our homes in order (but who can really rest or relax in a mess anyways?).

This Mother’s Day, let’s give ourselves the gift of hope and the gift of a clean house. Here are five things we can do to get started:

1) Just do something.

This is always my first housekeeping tip. Why? Because when we look at a room and see a giant mess, we feel overwhelmed and just want to walk away. But if the kitchen is a disaster, we can start by unloading and reloading the dishwasher. Even if we don’t have time or are too overwhelmed to clean the entire kitchen, we’re still making progress.

This principle works for the entire house, as well as life in general. Just do something.

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2) Throw things out!

It’s hard to organize clutter, so toss, toss, toss. There’s no good reason to hold onto things that are dragging us down, plus living in a mess is draining and exhausting. Let’s get our energy back as we release stuff we no longer need!

3) Set limits.

Our kids don’t need to eat anywhere but the kitchen table. They also don’t need to drag out every single toy while they’re playing. And if they want to make a fort, they can have just as much fun with one blanket as they’d have with ten.

So do your family a favor and set gentle limits that will make clean-up easier for everyone.

4) Enlist help.

We’re the mom, not the maid! If you’re often feeling taken for granted as you repeatedly clean up after your family members, then definitely take a minute to read how to get your kids to willingly pitch in with chores. If we’re not making the messes by ourselves, then we shouldn’t be cleaning the messes alone, either!

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5) Offer grace.

Forming good habits takes time. Offer grace to yourself, your spouse, and your children as you work together towards having a clean and organized home.

Mom who stinks at housekeeping, you’re not lazy. You are not a failure. And you’re not incompetent. You just need a little guidance. Let me help you. Browse around my blog or treat yourself to a copy of my eBook, Chaos to Clutter-FreeIt’s an easy read filled with inspiring quotes, embarrassing housekeeping confessions, and practical tips that will teach you how to transform your home, room by room, into a relaxing haven. No more shushing the kids and hiding from view when the doorbell rings!

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Learning to become clutter-free is about more than getting rid of stuff. It’s about creating room for life to happen, for memories to be made, and for loved ones to gather.

Mom who stinks at housekeeping, we can do this!

Sincerely,
The Tidy (and Sometimes Very Un-Tidy) Mom,
~Davonne~

PS I’ve gotten together with several other bloggers to offer a series full of letters to encourage and inspire moms just like you! So pour yourself a glass of lemonade and take a few minutes to relax as you let the beautiful messages soak in and soothe your soul.

Dear Mom Blog Hop

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And now for a Mother’s Day giveaway!

 

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The prizes will be as follows –

Prize 1 – Kitchen Aid Stand Mixer
Prize 2 – Slow Cooker

Prize 3 – Keurig Coffee Maker
Prize 4 – ALL 3 of the prizes above

Each winner will also win a digital copy of I’d Rather Be Your Mommy by Stacy Farrell

 

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Use the Rafflecopter form below to enter: {The giveaway has ended and winners will be announced soon!}

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